Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The air was thick with penises
So much rum. So many feels.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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