i permit you to call me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
