so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
