I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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