the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
