who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize