fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
