don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
