Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
