Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
