Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
