we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
