i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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