Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
