Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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