Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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