Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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