You're my little dorito
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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