Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
