There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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