i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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