Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Come on in and take your pants off
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