Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
