I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
