Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
