why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
