I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
