She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
