I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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