I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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