We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
