Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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