i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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