The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
