i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
