i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
