fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
