i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
