Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
