i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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