I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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