I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
