So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
