I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
