I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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