I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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