I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
