i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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