1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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