My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
