so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Are my feet made of real feet?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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