Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
