I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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