Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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