i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
