glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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