Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
