that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
