thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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