im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
