the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
