Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
