Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
