Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
