love makes seman taste better
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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