on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
