I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize