you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
