Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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