Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
