I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
