just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
