i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You are the jesus of drinking
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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