Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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