I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
