just tell him i said nine months
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
