you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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