Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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