i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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