I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
