so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
