I just made out with a guy for $7.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
