I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just gargled with NyQuil
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize