too bad you live with your parents still
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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