Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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