jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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