His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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