I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she looked like the before picture.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
