the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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