Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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