Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
