Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
