butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You're so nebulous sometimes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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