he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
