The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
