I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
