It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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