Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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