Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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