it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
