Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
