Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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