she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
