i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
