so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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