he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
