the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize