he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
